I Have A Cool Mom

Usually when your mother is a control freak, you develop social and personality problems that you would rather keep to yourself. If you're Alexis Stewart, you get a TV show and tell anyone who watches. Daughter of Martha Stewart (lucky), Alexis and her best long-named friend Jennifer Koppelman Hutt (who went to law school - which just goes to show you that there are cool lawyers somewhere in the world) ridicule old clips of the Martha Stewart Show, which include gems such as twine collections, linen closets, cupcake decorating, and hemming a pair of pants. Don't be fooled. The show gets dirty and both Alexis and Jennifer get personal. Words such as boner, boobs, douche bag, and others get thrown around. A lot. This is basically the type of show I would want in case that recurring role on 30 Rock doesn't work out.

My Bucket List, Part Deux

After Kate's inspiring post concerning her bucket list (and my photoshop skills), I was inspired to write my own bucket list (and the post script request at the end of her posting helped, too).

Unlike Kate, I never kept a journal. When I think of journals for men, I think of either Doogie Howser (and I'm no Neil Patrick Harris. I'm much cooler) or Doug Funnie from Doug (you know that reference, admit it).

But as a child, I did have many goals: CEO, President, attorney. I ran the gamut. Clearly, I have accomplished one of those goals (well, save the bar exam), so perhaps it's time to reevalute things. So, in no particular order, here is my bucket list:

1.) Be elected to some public office. Because I'm so popular, I've been elected to many positions in school organizations and the such, but as Kate or anyone within a 3 mile radius of me will tell you, my passion is politics, and conservative politics at that. Thus, being elected to some board or council as a Republican is clearly a hard goal, and one I should get cracking on. (And if Kate could protest against or for me, that would be an added bonus.)

2.) Be part of a corporation. Whether it be running a conglomerate, inventing some gem of a product, or running a restaurant or bar with a bunch of friends, I think I have a unique savvy for the corporate world that has still gone untested.

3.) Go on a roller coaster. I admit it. I've never been on one. I'm deathly scared. I have a stomach that upsets so easily that as a child the tea cups was about as much as I could handle. I'm not talking about some metal, 150 MPH contraption at Six Flags. I'll start off with a wooden coaster that keeps my feet inside a car and my head right side up, thank you very much.

4.) Eat some foods I am currently afraid of. I don't venture very far off my current food path. I readily admit I am a meat and potatoes guy. I have made strides recently, but no where near where I should be. When I'm sort of envious of the women in the commercial who wants to "experiment with salad," something needs to happen. (side note: found this odd blog posting about the commercial).

5.) The dog. Like Kate, I was viciously deprived of this as a child. My brother had allergies so bad, a plastic bubble wasn't out of the question. My dad also told me several times that he would never want a dirty mutt running around the house. Fast forward 15 years: my brother and father both have dogs. It's my time.

6.) Write something. Yes, yes, I've been published in my law review (thanks), but I want to write a book, sitcom, or an hour-long drama. I have great jokes stored up in my head that would work wonderfully on the screen. Even if it never gets published or picked up by CBS, just knowing that I could would mean something.

I think that about does it now for me, too. I know I have more things to accomplish. Many more. I think it would be a good idea for both of us to update these regularly, you know, before we kick the bucket.

My Bucket List

When I was 16 I made a list of things I wanted to do before I died. I wrote this list in my journal (which I still have... the other entries are a ridiculous and embarrassing glimpse into my 16 year old mind), and I titled the list "How To Live A Good Life." These were all the things I thought were important to a full and happy life. Essentially, I wrote a "bucket list" years before Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman got involved.

So here's what was on my list then...
*Get a dog
*Live abroad
*Learn to play piano
*Sing in public
*Learn to cook

That's it. That's the whole list, as written in 1999. This seems like a pretty easy life list, right? (Guess my ambitions were not so high back at the turn of the century.) Well, low ambitions or not, I have accomplished exactly NONE of my goals.

To be fair to my life so far, I can play a few simple songs on the piano and can read sheet music, I have sung at a few friends' weddings, and I know how to make a few meals (with varied degrees of success).

So, as Morgan Freeman said in another movie, I better 'get busy livin' or get busy dyin'" already! But more importantly, (more important even than living the advice of Morgan Freeman's movie characters) I think I need to revise the list to reflect my adult ambitions. Here goes.

1.) Meet and become friends with Tina Fey. (Obviously. Just meeting her would be amazing, but these are life goals, let's shoot for the stars.)


2.) Get a dog. (This one stays. My parents repeatedly ignored my pleas for a dog my entire life... time to take matters into my own hands.)

3.) Sing in public. (This one stays too, but to clarify, no church event counts. Ideally, this would be where the attendees paid to get in. And karaoke doesn't count.)
4.) March in a protest. (I don't know why... but I think this is important. To get checked off the list, the protest must be something I actually care about.)




5.) Fly an airplane. (This will be checked off if I get to hold the controls for a minute while in the air... and realistically, visiting the cockpit will do the trick, pretty much anything that would get a 3rd grader plastic wings from a flight attendant.)


6.) Cook a holiday meal for a large group of people (at least 10). (Has to be Christmas or Thanksgiving.)

I think that's it for now. I like to think Morgan Freeman would be proud. Any suggestions? Or better yet, what's on your list?

p.s. Confession: I've never seen the movie in the poster. And seeing it is not going on the list.
p.p.s. Brian, I'd like to read your list, and then probably steal it all for my life.

Treat for Brian!

My friend Brian is the truest of all the conservatives in the land. Years from now, when most of us will tell our children with pride that we voted for Obama in 08, Brian will tell any and all who will listen that he was one of the few, the proud, the guy who voted for McCain/Palin, and he would do it again. This video is for him, to get him through these difficult times of Hope and Change.


Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Getting Closer to Our Shared Goal

It's no secret that the ultimate dream of ours is to meet Tina Fey in person. One of the main reasons I moved to New York in the first place was to get closer to realizing that dream. Kate had already plotted where 30 Rock's studio is located and several I Love Lucy-like plots to meet Tina.

Well, last night, my friends, I got us one step closer. I made my first venture to the West Side in what seemed like weeks (and for those who live on the opposite of Manhattan, it seriously is the hardest thing to do - it's also like a foreign country - not as bad as Little Chechnya, but you get the point) and made it to the Stand Up New York comedy club. It was one of those places where you had a 2 drink minimum, but I didn't mind: I was more intrigued by the menu, which said that as NYC's premier stand up club, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock (and two of three other people I guess I was supposed to know) may show up at any moment. Well, we were not disappointed. The second act of the night was none other than Judah Friedlander who plays Frank on 30 Rock. I don't remember much of his act, but he appeared to be exactly like his character on TV, goofy trucker hats and all. And best of all, the picture on his official website is exactly what he was wearing last night.

Compare the website on left, last night on right (don't worry - it's the same):










Moral of the story: Look out Liz Lemon!

NY Marathon 2009, Baby!

After watching the NY Marathon literally 10 feet from my apartment, I got instantly motivated to run it next year. Yes, I have never been able to run a mile in under 20 minutes, and I am often winded after climbing a single set of stairs, but I think 12 months of preparation should be enough. I hope to stay motivated for an entire year, but I have a feeling that this might be me a few months into training:

"There's Cheese in my Rhine Wine"

Picture it: Four New York socialites traveling to bumble Virginia for a fellow socialite's birthday. Fish out of water. We were in for one hell of a weekend.

We of course traveled in style: a rented Dodge Avenger from the local Alamo. A hop, skip, and an EZPass later, we crossed the line into Loudon County, Virginia.

Before we arrived at Les Doux, Hamilton, VA (the birthday girl's house) - also a Hills reference for those of you who missed it (but it doesn't mean the birthday girl is like Heidi, because that's just mean) we needed an appropriate accompaniment. A stop at the local Safeway provided much needed comic and alcoholic relief. Upon arriving at the wine section, conveniently located to left of the front door, we came across a sea of white cardboard boxes: Franzia and Almaden appeared as a supermarket oasis. A few minutes of reading the various selections of red, white, and other, we settled on Almanden's Mountain Rhine Wine, 12% alcohol by volume. Fit for a king.

We arrived on scene, only 45 fashionable minutes late. After some slightly awkward introductions, we settled in for some silent college football, and a discussion about debris in my cup. We also Cha-Cha'd to confirm where the name Rhine Wine came from, since Almaden is made in the U.S. of A, and not, contrary to popular belief, Germany. We found out, but I won't bore you. Thrills.

Finally, at some point, someone mentioned the 800 pound gorilla in the room: the computerized Catch Phrase game. I, of course, rocked (it's a cross I bare). After the ice breaker, things really warmed up. We played a Jeopardy drinking game and made fun of the floozy returning champion, Larissa Kelly.


(Side note: this was confirmed by Alex Trebek. On the "interview" portion of the show, Alex mentioned something about her lame mock trial experience in high school, to which Alex inquired: did you get them (the fake criminals) off every time? She said, most of the time. He said: "Well, you're getting some off now." Confirmation! And awk!).

The party continued with the requisite beer pong, flip cup, cupcake eating, fun with bottle opening and body parts (picture soon).

All in all, we had fun, made new friends (people like me, it's another cross I bare), and renewed our love of all things suburban and boxed.