Saturday, December 27, 2008

How Much Is That Vice President in the Window?

Just poking around the Internet while with the family over the holidays, and stumbled across this gem of a fact: Joe Biden can't pick out a puppy. Evidently, his teacher wife (whose reward is in heaven, remember (best link I could find - I totally loved the statement, link notwithstanding)) promised him a puppy if they won the election. I guess puppies were all the rage with the Obama/Biden campaign. Those spoiled Obama kids got one, too. But at least they are going through the trouble of picking one out on their own and from a shelter no less. Biden relied on a police officer to find the kennel and pick to the puppy. All Biden had to do was write a check. It begs the question: did he have Paris Hilton help him out?

That's not even the worst part of the story. The Bidens are having a police officer house train the damn thing. How do you expect to deal with an international crisis if you can't be bothered to pooper scoop when your puppy has an accident on the kitchen floor?

I guess Biden does have an out. The puppy is as cute as they come. And the name isn't half bad either.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Every Kiss Begins with TNA

Jane Seymour's new jewelry for Kay Jewelers. You decide: Open Heart or something else?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Official Bring Kate to New York Petition

Please support this worthy cause: bring Kate to New York. If nothing else, it'll give us a chance to vlog, and if you deny us that, then you are heartless.

Hopefully, this will be Kate by March:

Liz: I want to be like her!
Elderly Debutante: Oh, there is nothing like New York in the Spring!

Another woman, passing by, gives the lady a solid shove into a pile of garbage bags.

Friday, December 12, 2008

On 30 Rock and the Bronx

Last nights episode was perfection, which just goes to prove, please do not cast Jennifer Aniston as a guest star on your sitcom (her episode was the only low point this season).

Anyway, I'm sure most of you picked up on the fact that Liz ventured to my neck of the woods, the Bronx. Well, at least that's what I think she did. Her "Letter to Santa" sent her to 245th Street and Lawrence Taylor Blvd. After some sleuthing this morning, I discovered that such a place does not exist.
View Larger Map

Lawrence Taylor, quite obviously, was a former New York Giants football player who had his various and frequent troubles with the law. And unless Tina Fey got Lawrence Taylor confused with Henry Hudson, which would never happen, I say that this joke was top notch.

Thus, Liz being in the Bronx makes sense, as does Tracy's reaction, since 245th Street and Former Druggie Blvd would scare anyone. (But honestly, in my four months in the borough, my experiences have been nothing but positive)

So while the intersection doesn't exist, I still felt touched that the Bronx made it into an episode. Ahh, getting closer by the day.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Only in My Christmas Themed Dreams

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Why do I have a feeling that Kate and I have done or will do this dance in the near future?

The Ten Most Fascinating People Today. Part II

I'm not trying to compete with Kate's list or posting, because it would be futile. Hers was amazing. I only try to mimic.

10. Dustin Pedoria. AL MVP 2008. Rookie of the Year 2007. He is consistently referred to as being "generously" listed at 5'9" (some claim 5'7") and 180 pounds, but the second baseman from the Red Sox managed to do more in a that short frame than most baseball players do with steroids. Props to short, determined people!

9. Beyonce. She's pulled off the Sasha Fierce alter ego thing with much more pizazz and success than Garth Brooks' Chris Gaines disaster. She has just notched her 5th #1 single. Her role as Etta James in the upcoming film Cadillac Records is getting rave reviews (including one from the New York Times' A.O. Scott, who Matt claims "can be pretty snarky at times," calling her "downright revelatory"and "volcanic and voluptuous").

8. Joe the Plumber. Come on. This guy asks one question as he's standing in front of his home, and nearly redefined the entire election. How could he not be fascinating? A down-to-earth, Joe Sixpack who's shot to fame landed some people in hot water (and soon to be prison?). I hope he stays true to his word to run for Congress in the future. It'd be nice to have some regular folks in D.C. for a change (since I can no longer hold down the fort there).
7. Jennifer Esposito/Melissa McCarthy/Becki Newton. The three scene stealers from Samantha Who? and Ugly Betty. After deciding to give Ugly Betty a shot this year (simply because waiting til 9pm to watch Thursday night TV seemed pointless), I have fallen in love with Ms. Newton's Amanda. Same goes for the two bff's from Samantha Who? who round out the perfect cast (seriously, folks at ABC, you did well). I literally turn giddy in anticipation of their appearance on screen (ok, that happens a lot when I know Kate is coming (or any Hollywood star for that matter)), but hopefully you catch my drift. Emmy's, take notice!

6. Lindsay Lohan. I started this one with my roommate from senior year, Jess. We loved her. She was sweet, and a promising and rising Hollywood star. Then, reality hit, and now she's a former (but still) drunken, bisexual (?) mess. I thought she was going to get it together with Georgia Rule (hopeless, I know. Jane Fonda as a career rescuer? Please). Her recent guest appearances on Ugly Betty were great, and reports about her new romantic comedy have been promising. Here's hoping she won't be on my list for next year.

5. The Readers of This Blog About Thangs. I can probably count them on one hand, perhaps two. You keep us going. You motivate us. You give us the will to be witty. Keep it up.

4. The troops.

3. Kristen Wiig. After the departure of Tina Fey (heck, after Molly Shannon, Cheri Oteri, and Anna Gasteyer left), SNL was pretty much DOA. Who watched it? Not this one. But this gem of a comic has me at least searching out clips on Hulu and selecting "record series" on the DVR. It seems a bit much that she's in literally every skit every week, so I hope she doesn't wear herself out since the other cast members haven't been up to par (sorry, Keenan) (and this pic is my face 50% of the day).

2. Tina Turner. She's 69. 69. If I'm half as mobile as Tina Turner when I'm that age, I'll be the luckiest guy in the world. I just signed up for my first gym membership ever, and she's on a concert tour attracting millions of fans and singing and dancing for 3 hours. I was out of breath walking the escalators to see her show on December 1 (which was freaking amazing. Almost lost my voice towards the end. I will post pictures of her during the encore, extending out over the audience (which included Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Anne Hathaway), and then she would dance up and down the narrow walkway. A-mazing), and she climbed scaffolding dressed in a full-out Mad Max costume. Enough said. 69.

1. When you write and then act out lines that include: "I once watched a blind guy eat spaghetti and laughed. I pee in the shower sometimes if I'm really tired. And I saw my grandparents making love once and didn't leave right away" there's nothing more to be said. Tina Fey, like Kate, somehow has access to my mind. And I love watching myself on screen every week.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Guess Who!?

Who is this women in the (clearly home-cut make shift halter) Backstreet Boys t-shirt???

Her name at the time was Holly Cullen. (Pretty sweet name, right Twilight-crack addicts?)

Now she is my favorite Girl Next Door, Holly Madison! I've said it before, and I'll say it again, a nose job, spray tan, and a competent dye job does a body good!

Play on, players!

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Ten Most Fascinating People Today. Part I.

Thursday night Barbara Walters revealed her choices for 2008's 10 Most Fascinating People... and by and large, she missed the boat. Examples: I didn't know 2 of her picks by name; Tom Cruise jumped on a couch like 3 years ago; and come on, the pregnant man is lame and sort of icky. Brian and I think we could do better. And, bonus, since there are two of us, you get the 20 (or so) Most Fascinating People To Us Today! So here are the ten (or so) people I am obsessed with and/or fascinated by right now! Part I, Let's Countdown!

10.) Britney Spears.
Let's be clear about this, I am a fan of Britney circa 2001. She lost me when she lost Justin. When Britney lost her mind, married KFed, and shaved her head... I tuned out. But now, apparently, she is back! And that creepy guy with the line-beard (gross) is court ordered to stay away. So the Britney I was originally fascinated by has returned... and by that, I mean the pretty, hot bodied, airbrushed Britney! (To be honest, I don't think this will last... but here's hoping!)

9.) Chris Brown.
I love Chris Brown. I love his songs. I LOVE his dancing. I even love his movies, because they always feature him dancing and singing. Do yourself a favor and watch this video of CB schooling some guy in a street dance battle.

8.) Sam Bradford: OU quarterback, Heisman frontrunner.
This is an obvious choice. But he really sealed the deal in the OSU game with this hit while diving for a touchdown. How hot is that? Plus he is the spitting image of how I imagined Jacob Black, so that makes him unbeatable... well close to unbeatable. (See #7.)

7.) Edward Cullen.
Technically, this fascinating person does not qualify for this list for 2 reasons. 1) He is fictional, and 2) he is not a person, he is a vampire. Like Amy says, Twilight/Edward Cullen is like crack. I can't get enough of it. And if you think I talk about it a lot, imagine the time I spend thinking about it/watching youtube videos about it/rereading it that I don't talk about. It's an addiction, and it's not going anywhere. (For the record, this is Edward, NOT Robert Pattinson. My policy on him is on screen only. Otherwise, he kind of ruins it.)

6.) David Sedaris.
David Sedaris has been writing best selling books for years. I found out who he was a week ago. And in that week I have found out everything there is to know about him and his family. Here's why he's fascinating: he's the kind of person that you can learn EVERY weird, private, embarrassing thing about in a week without trying very hard. I like that in a person. Plus he's really funny and insightful... at the same time, all the time. Watch this, you'll love him too.

5. Amy Sedaris.
My favorite Sedaris, but just by an inch. Because as good as David Sedaris is on Letterman, Amy's better.

4. Chuck Bass.
I'm Chuck Bass.

3. Brian's Twin.
Spotted: NYC, Tuesday night, in the same restaurant as Brian. He was even there with his blogging partner. You may remember that this twin (aka, the less good looking doppelganger of Brian's) is the reason we started this blog. And you may also remember that I friended said doppelganger on Facebook, only to be denied. (Rude.) So now that Brian has been in the same place as his twin... we are about 15902 steps closer to our ultimate goal. Meeting the twin, him realizing his huge mistake, begging for forgiveness, and then us all being friends.

2. Everyone on the internet.
Like with Brian's twin, I have many internet obsessions, countless really. People I feel like I know, and know entirely too much about. "I thank God everytime I think of the internet." -Phil 1:3. (pretty sure that's how it goes.)

1. Tina Fey.
Brian and I are unanimous on this one. We are truly obsessed with Tina Fey. We are obsessed with Tina Fey to the point that we are obsessed with people who work with her/know her/have been in the same room as her. Thankfully, Tina Fey has gone to the trouble of acting out what it would be like if either of us met her. Oprah will be playing the part of Tina Fey, and Tina Fey will be playing the part of creepers Me and Brian.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The Anti Tina Fey.

Brian and I have loved Tina Fey for a while now.

We loved her before 30 Rock and Kenneth the NBC Page. We loved her before she declared 'Bitch is the New Black' (so true). And we loved her way before anyone had ever heard of that lady politician from Alaska. (And for the record, Brian and I knew it was Pail-in not Pal-in' before CNN did.)

The point is: WE LOVE TINA FEY.




(Also we have our eyes on up and coming lady/conservative politicos.)

As it turns out the world caught up to us, the trend setters, and fell deeply in love with Tina Fey. Now that Tina Fey has become America's favorite person she's all over every website, she has a new book deal, and every publication wants to do a story on her. The latest publication to feature Tina Fey as cover girl and major story is Vanity Fair, in an article by Maureen Dowd.

I was super excited, given the subject matter. I read the article and was immediately disappointed. Not because Tina Fey isn't as amazing as I imagine her... because she is exactly as amazing as I had hoped, probably moreso. No, I was disappointed because Maureen Dowd = Regina George.

Link to the article:

Read it. But don't buy the magazine. And if you see Maureen Dowd, tell her she looks fat, apparently that's her greatest fear.

The entire article focuses on Tina's weight and looks, and how if she hadn't gotten those things reeled in and acceptable, she would never have made it.

The article describes in great detail how Tina's success is tied to the fact that she lost 30 pounds and got a hair cut... and then, and only then, did people really start to notice her. Forget that by this time she was already head writer on SNL, a pretty good gig.

So the only new thing I learned from the article was that Tina Fey didn't always have shoulder length hair and once was a Weight Watcher. Dropped the ball on that one, Dowd. Just think if she had asked Tina to describe the circumstances of this photo and not just decided how unsuccessful the person in it would be.

I'm seriously considering writing Maureen Dowd/Regina George a letter to give her a piece of my mind. That'll show her!

She is the anti Tina Fey. It's not like I'm not that worried about Tina getting a Maureen Dowd induced eating disorder or anything. I would just like to point out that without her 80's short perm and love of cupcakes Tina Fey would be as shallow as Maureen Dowd... and then we would all lose.
I sort of think this is what Tina Fey has to say to Maureen Dowd.

Now who's up for cupcakes?? And the inevitable failure that will follow.