Just poking around the Internet while with the family over the holidays, and stumbled across this gem of a fact: Joe Biden can't pick out a puppy. Evidently, his teacher wife (whose reward is in heaven, remember (best link I could find - I totally loved the statement, link notwithstanding)) promised him a puppy if they won the election. I guess puppies were all the rage with the Obama/Biden campaign. Those spoiled Obama kids got one, too. But at least they are going through the trouble of picking one out on their own and from a shelter no less. Biden relied on a police officer to find the kennel and pick to the puppy. All Biden had to do was write a check. It begs the question: did he have Paris Hilton help him out?
That's not even the worst part of the story. The Bidens are having a police officer house train the damn thing. How do you expect to deal with an international crisis if you can't be bothered to pooper scoop when your puppy has an accident on the kitchen floor? I guess Biden does have an out. The puppy is as cute as they come. And the name isn't half bad either.
Please support this worthy cause: bring Kate to New York. If nothing else, it'll give us a chance to vlog, and if you deny us that, then you are heartless.
Last nights episode was perfection, which just goes to prove, please do not cast Jennifer Aniston as a guest star on your sitcom (her episode was the only low point this season).
Anyway, I'm sure most of you picked up on the fact that Liz ventured to my neck of the woods, the Bronx. Well, at least that's what I think she did. Her "Letter to Santa" sent her to 245th Street and Lawrence Taylor Blvd. After some sleuthing this morning, I discovered that such a place does not exist. View Larger Map
Lawrence Taylor, quite obviously, was a former New York Giants football player who had his various and frequent troubles with the law. And unless Tina Fey got Lawrence Taylor confused with Henry Hudson, which would never happen, I say that this joke was top notch.
Thus, Liz being in the Bronx makes sense, as does Tracy's reaction, since 245th Street and Former Druggie Blvd would scare anyone. (But honestly, in my four months in the borough, my experiences have been nothing but positive)
So while the intersection doesn't exist, I still felt touched that the Bronx made it into an episode. Ahh, getting closer by the day.
I'm not trying to compete with Kate's list or posting, because it would be futile. Hers was amazing. I only try to mimic.
10. Dustin Pedoria. AL MVP 2008. Rookie of the Year 2007. He is consistently referred to as being "generously" listed at 5'9" (some claim 5'7") and 180 pounds, but the second baseman from the Red Sox managed to do more in a that short frame than most baseball players do with steroids. Props to short, determined people!
9. Beyonce. She's pulled off the Sasha Fierce alter ego thing with much more pizazz and success than Garth Brooks' Chris Gaines disaster. She has just notched her 5th #1 single. Her role as Etta James in the upcoming film Cadillac Records is getting rave reviews (including one from the New York Times' A.O. Scott, who Matt claims "can be pretty snarky at times," calling her "downright revelatory"and "volcanic and voluptuous").
8. Joe the Plumber. Come on. This guy asks one question as he's standing in front of his home, and nearly redefined the entire election. How could he not be fascinating? A down-to-earth, Joe Sixpack who's shot to fame landed some people in hot water (and soon to be prison?). I hope he stays true to his word to run for Congress in the future. It'd be nice to have some regular folks in D.C. for a change (since I can no longer hold down the fort there).
7. Jennifer Esposito/Melissa McCarthy/Becki Newton. The three scene stealers from Samantha Who? and Ugly Betty. After deciding to give Ugly Betty a shot this year (simply because waiting til 9pm to watch Thursday night TV seemed pointless), I have fallen in love with Ms. Newton's Amanda. Same goes for the two bff's from Samantha Who? who round out the perfect cast (seriously, folks at ABC, you did well). I literally turn giddy in anticipation of their appearance on screen (ok, that happens a lot when I know Kate is coming (or any Hollywood star for that matter)), but hopefully you catch my drift. Emmy's, take notice!
6. Lindsay Lohan. I started this one with my roommate from senior year, Jess. We loved her. She was sweet, and a promising and rising Hollywood star. Then, reality hit, and now she's a former (but still) drunken, bisexual (?) mess. I thought she was going to get it together with Georgia Rule (hopeless, I know. Jane Fonda as a career rescuer? Please). Her recent guest appearances on Ugly Betty were great, and reports about her new romantic comedy have been promising. Here's hoping she won't be on my list for next year.
5. The Readers of This Blog About Thangs. I can probably count them on one hand, perhaps two. You keep us going. You motivate us. You give us the will to be witty. Keep it up.
4. The troops.
3. Kristen Wiig. After the departure of Tina Fey (heck, after Molly Shannon, Cheri Oteri, and Anna Gasteyer left), SNL was pretty much DOA. Who watched it? Not this one. But this gem of a comic has me at least searching out clips on Hulu and selecting "record series" on the DVR. It seems a bit much that she's in literally every skit every week, so I hope she doesn't wear herself out since the other cast members haven't been up to par (sorry, Keenan) (and this pic is my face 50% of the day).
2. Tina Turner. She's 69. 69. If I'm half as mobile as Tina Turner when I'm that age, I'll be the luckiest guy in the world. I just signed up for my first gym membership ever, and she's on a concert tour attracting millions of fans and singing and dancing for 3 hours. I was out of breath walking the escalators to see her show on December 1 (which was freaking amazing. Almost lost my voice towards the end. I will post pictures of her during the encore, extending out over the audience (which included Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Anne Hathaway), and then she would dance up and down the narrow walkway. A-mazing), and she climbed scaffolding dressed in a full-out Mad Max costume. Enough said. 69.
1. When you write and then act out lines that include: "I once watched a blind guy eat spaghetti and laughed. I pee in the shower sometimes if I'm really tired. And I saw my grandparents making love once and didn't leave right away" there's nothing more to be said. Tina Fey, like Kate, somehow has access to my mind. And I love watching myself on screen every week.
Who is this women in the (clearly home-cut make shift halter) Backstreet Boys t-shirt???
Her name at the time was Holly Cullen. (Pretty sweet name, right Twilight-crack addicts?)
Now she is my favorite Girl Next Door, Holly Madison! I've said it before, and I'll say it again, a nose job, spray tan, and a competent dye job does a body good!
Thursday night Barbara Walters revealed her choices for 2008's 10 Most Fascinating People... and by and large, she missed the boat. Examples: I didn't know 2 of her picks by name; Tom Cruise jumped on a couch like 3 years ago; and come on, the pregnant man is lame and sort of icky. Brian and I think we could do better. And, bonus, since there are two of us, you get the 20 (or so) Most Fascinating People To Us Today! So here are the ten (or so) people I am obsessed with and/or fascinated by right now! Part I, Let's Countdown!
10.) Britney Spears. Let's be clear about this, I am a fan of Britney circa 2001. She lost me when she lost Justin. When Britney lost her mind, married KFed, and shaved her head... I tuned out. But now, apparently, she is back! And that creepy guy with the line-beard (gross) is court ordered to stay away. So the Britney I was originally fascinated by has returned... and by that, I mean the pretty, hot bodied, airbrushed Britney! (To be honest, I don't think this will last... but here's hoping!)
9.) Chris Brown. I love Chris Brown. I love his songs. I LOVE his dancing. I even love his movies, because they always feature him dancing and singing. Do yourself a favor and watch this video of CB schooling some guy in a street dance battle. Schooled.
8.) Sam Bradford: OU quarterback, Heisman frontrunner. This is an obvious choice. But he really sealed the deal in the OSU game with this hit while diving for a touchdown. How hot is that? Plus he is the spitting image of how I imagined Jacob Black, so that makes him unbeatable... well close to unbeatable. (See #7.)
7.) Edward Cullen. Technically, this fascinating person does not qualify for this list for 2 reasons. 1) He is fictional, and 2) he is not a person, he is a vampire. Like Amy says, Twilight/Edward Cullen is like crack. I can't get enough of it. And if you think I talk about it a lot, imagine the time I spend thinking about it/watching youtube videos about it/rereading it that I don't talk about. It's an addiction, and it's not going anywhere. (For the record, this is Edward, NOT Robert Pattinson. My policy on him is on screen only. Otherwise, he kind of ruins it.)
6.) David Sedaris. David Sedaris has been writing best selling books for years. I found out who he was a week ago. And in that week I have found out everything there is to know about him and his family. Here's why he's fascinating: he's the kind of person that you can learn EVERY weird, private, embarrassing thing about in a week without trying very hard. I like that in a person. Plus he's really funny and insightful... at the same time, all the time. Watch this, you'll love him too.
5. Amy Sedaris. My favorite Sedaris, but just by an inch. Because as good as David Sedaris is on Letterman, Amy's better.
4. Chuck Bass. I'm Chuck Bass.
3. Brian's Twin. Spotted: NYC, Tuesday night, in the same restaurant as Brian. He was even there with his blogging partner. You may remember that this twin (aka, the less good looking doppelganger of Brian's) is the reason we started this blog. And you may also remember that I friended said doppelganger on Facebook, only to be denied. (Rude.) So now that Brian has been in the same place as his twin... we are about 15902 steps closer to our ultimate goal. Meeting the twin, him realizing his huge mistake, begging for forgiveness, and then us all being friends.
2. Everyone on the internet. Like with Brian's twin, I have many internet obsessions, countless really. People I feel like I know, and know entirely too much about. "I thank God everytime I think of the internet." -Phil 1:3. (pretty sure that's how it goes.)
1. Tina Fey. Brian and I are unanimous on this one. We are truly obsessed with Tina Fey. We are obsessed with Tina Fey to the point that we are obsessed with people who work with her/know her/have been in the same room as her. Thankfully, Tina Fey has gone to the trouble of acting out what it would be like if either of us met her. Oprah will be playing the part of Tina Fey, and Tina Fey will be playing the part of creepers Me and Brian.
We loved her before 30 Rock and Kenneth the NBC Page. We loved her before she declared 'Bitch is the New Black' (so true). And we loved her way before anyone had ever heard of that lady politician from Alaska. (And for the record, Brian and I knew it was Pail-in not Pal-in' before CNN did.)
The point is: WE LOVE TINA FEY.
Then.
Now.
Always.
(Also we have our eyes on up and coming lady/conservative politicos.)
As it turns out the world caught up to us, the trend setters, and fell deeply in love with Tina Fey. Now that Tina Fey has become America's favorite person she's all over every website, she has a new book deal, and every publication wants to do a story on her. The latest publication to feature Tina Fey as cover girl and major story is Vanity Fair, in an article by Maureen Dowd.
I was super excited, given the subject matter. I read the article and was immediately disappointed. Not because Tina Fey isn't as amazing as I imagine her... because she is exactly as amazing as I had hoped, probably moreso. No, I was disappointed because Maureen Dowd = Regina George.
Link to the article: http://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2009/01/tina_fey200901.
Read it. But don't buy the magazine. And if you see Maureen Dowd, tell her she looks fat, apparently that's her greatest fear.
The entire article focuses on Tina's weight and looks, and how if she hadn't gotten those things reeled in and acceptable, she would never have made it.
The article describes in great detail how Tina's success is tied to the fact that she lost 30 pounds and got a hair cut... and then, and only then, did people really start to notice her. Forget that by this time she was already head writer on SNL, a pretty good gig.
So the only new thing I learned from the article was that Tina Fey didn't always have shoulder length hair and once was a Weight Watcher. Dropped the ball on that one, Dowd. Just think if she had asked Tina to describe the circumstances of this photo and not just decided how unsuccessful the person in it would be.
I'm seriously considering writing Maureen Dowd/Regina George a letter to give her a piece of my mind. That'll show her!
She is the anti Tina Fey. It's not like I'm not that worried about Tina getting a Maureen Dowd induced eating disorder or anything. I would just like to point out that without her 80's short perm and love of cupcakes Tina Fey would be as shallow as Maureen Dowd... and then we would all lose. I sort of think this is what Tina Fey has to say to Maureen Dowd.
Now who's up for cupcakes?? And the inevitable failure that will follow.
Just a few short notes on the Thanksgiving I recently celebrated. For the past three years, Kate and I have attended a law student refugee, pot-luck Thanksgiving thrown by our good friend Maureen. What started off as a small celebration with a motley crew assortment of law students who didn't venture back to their respective homelands turned into (work with me) a feast befitting the original Thanksgiving meal, bringing together hoards of people who would have otherwise been microwaving their Lean Cuisines.
This year, I had the opportunity to spend the holiday in a more traditional setting. I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow recount of the evening (which was quite pleasant), but I will give you some memorable quotes:
1. Scene: playing a Thanksgiving trivia game. A question about the name of the Native American tribe that celebrated the first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims. One of the answer choices was the Chickasaw Tribe. Soon after, this was said: "Don't you remember that song about that tribe? Went something like: La La La La Chickasaw Tribe." (The la la's were verbatim)
2. Scene: Dining table shortly before dessert. "What's the name of that cheesecake factory near Grand Central?" "Oh, um, the Cheesecake Factory?"
Those two lines pretty much sum up the day. Perfection. How was your Thanksgiving?
I read a lot of celebrity gossip. Most of it is written by dudes who have crushes on Zac Efron and Chase Crawford, so we share that... or it's written by pervy, misogynistic dudes are constantly fluctuating in their love/hate for Britney Spears, so we share that. Because these are my two main sources of gossip (and news in general), I know a lot about all the hot chicks in the world. But here is a piece of information that I did not know... (brace yourself)
Victoria's Secret supermodel Karolina Kurkova, who was recently named "The Sexiest Woman Alive" by trusted news source E!, does NOT have a belly button.
In the place where she should have a belly button she has a weird indentation.
WTF? Science (read: tv) tells me that every human has a belly button. In fact, it has been my belief that all humans MUST have a belly button.... it's basically one of the key things that separates us from those species hatched from eggs. This news seriously grosses me out. Am I alone on this??
And what's weirder, I don't think Karolina Kurkova has ever explained how this happened! Five minutes on google gave me a few hypothesis; such as she had some kind of intestinal abnormality at birth and the surgery to fix it left her without a belly button. Apparently she has never commented on her own belly button, but there are cases of this happening to regular human babies, so it's possible. Ok, if that's the case, I need her to say that. Because at this point, that's only one theory. And to me, it's about exactly as likely that she is an alien and/or some kind of lizard-human hybrid.
You might have noticed a few changes around here. Please forward all thanks to Kate for sprucing the place up. Now every time you log on to our little Internet world, you will be reminded of those thangs we truly love.
If you have $15 to spare this Christmas (and I know that can be asking a lot this year), please consider donating to this wonderful organization, Wreaths Across America. Every year, they seek to place a wreath on every grave of a fallen solider at Arlington National Cemetery. The program has grown in recent years. A quote from their website:
In December 2007, 286 participating locations hosted Wreaths Across America ceremonies overseeing the placement of 32,553 wreaths on the headstones of those who served and sacrificed for our freedoms. In 2008 that number will exceed 350 locations and 100,000 wreaths placed in honor!
The trailer to this movie is so compelling and tragic. I've been researching this movie a little, and it is even more fascinating than the trailer lets on. I don't want to give too much away because it's a really shocking story, but the movie has led to some important debate on the state of child advocacy and how children are protected by the law.
Do yourself a favor, and see this movie. It's playing in New York and will be on MSNBC on December 7.
My good friend Amy recently told me that studies now show that watching tv can do a great deal of damage to babies. For example, she told me tv around infants younger than 2 can result in autism or other brain development disorders. Well, I am a living example of how extremely true that is.
My parents basically raised me on tv, and not the 'good for kids tv.' I'm not sure I've
ever seen an episode of Sesame Street (although I lie about it sometimes to fit in, seriously). On the other hand we have acutal home videos of my baby self watching tv with my dad. They're not that exciting... probably because my baby brain was melting.
Long story short, I am a long time fan of tv. I am a much bigger fan/connoisseur than I usual let on. But now that I know it's my parents' fault, let's just embrace it.
The first couple of shows I can remember loving when I was a little kid were The Simpsons and Full House. IMDB tells me these shows both started around the time I was four. Nice parenting, Gordy and Deb... shouldn't I have been in some child ballet class or something? (What parents deny their daughter ballet lessons?! But that's clearly a story for another blog or a therapist's office.)
At the time. I thought the Full House world was the greatest place on earth. I always related most to Stephanie because we were about the same age and suffered from severe middle child syndrome.
(Although, not to harp on the issue, Stephanie's parents put her in dance class. I'm sure we all remember the "Motown Philly" dance episode (3:30 to the end):
and her dancing on the telethon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WtxWydIz80)
Face it, Stephanie was adorable back then. But unfortunately, recent events have led me to believe that I picked the wrong Full House character to align myself with.
As we have all learned from Perez Hilton, Tyler Durden and even the more reputable People magazine, the real life Stephanie Tanner (Jodie Sweetin) has had her ups and (mostly) downs.
At press time for this blog, Jodie Sweetin is separated from her second husband with whom she has a 6 month old baby (pictured above), divorced from her police officer first husband, and most notably a recovering meth addict... not to mention a washed up child star.
Which, obviously, begs the question... whatever happened to predictability?
Kipmif, It's not all bad news for Full House world though. Bob Saget is a little pervy, but not publicly addicted to meth, so he wins that round over Stephanie. Joey Gladstone broke Alanis Morisette's heart which led to some amazing angry chick music, which I am staunchly in favor of.
But as far as role models go... Clearly I should have chosen Lori Laughlin; she still looks amazing (pictured here with Zac Efron, nothing wrong with that). Or at least the Olsen twins. And I think we can all agree that John Stamos has definitely still got it.
I'm not speaking for Kate (though we have shared a brain for the better part of the last 4 years), but I'm glad to see that 30 Rock didn't put me to sleep like last week's epiosde with Jennifer Aniston. Steve Martin was hilarious per usual, and the dream of a finding a soul mate who watches TV without expecting more was, well, ideal.
At the same time, it'll be nice to have an episode not based on a guest star for once. Thoughts? (This goes out to our four loyal readers)
Office was great. Toby is back!
Grey's: two comments: I hate Denny. There I said it. Two, why didn't anyone say anything to the chief that the interns were being all weird since no one was teaching them anything? That's why they started the whole thing, and the writers seemed to forget that.
This weekend was filled with sightings and reasons to blog (it also helped that my friends constantly gave me suggestions on what to blog about).
Friday. Dinner at Elmo. We spotted Ryan from Road Rules/Real World Challenge/Gauntlet/Fresh Meat fame. One of those at least. It took some awkwardness (which I am king of), but after about the 10th glaringly obvious stare, it was confirmed by comparing his picture found on an iPhone and his likeness in person as he zoomed by our table.
Next up, Ultra. Birthday Party. We (four smartly dressed men) were denied admission, save a $40 cover. Come back an hour later with the birthday boy already inside and one lady accompanying us (evidently, a guy/girl ratio of five to one is the absolute maximum allowed at NYC area clubs), we were in. Music was great, expect that every 30 seconds the song would change. Just as you're about to hit the best part of, say, a BonJovi classic, it would switch to the Killers. Give me a break. I'm old. I need at least two minutes of a song to actually enjoy it.
Saturday. Bond. Good, not great. We bought tickets for the 5pm showing, ended up being way oversold, and waited for the 5:40. This turned out to be quite the right decision. Soon after standing in line at the theater entrance, the group ahead of us began chatting it up. Two things. First, they were talking about movies in the abstract sense, which was cool in college but outside of the "quad" that type of conversation should be kept to a minimum. (I guess the fact that we were near NYU didn't help matters) Second. Dancing. Two of the groupies (we were more concerned with him, not her) stepped to the side into the open lobby area. He was going to teach her how to perform some sort of dancing move that should only be practiced in a ballroom with country club ladies surrounding the dance floor. He was intense. Too intense. It was weird, awkward, and slightly rude all wrapped up into one. Luckily, Matt got pictures. They're not great, but that's what undercover iPhone picture taking will do to you.
The ending scene of Bond (in a desert hotel) confused me to pieces. Things blowing up for what I thought was absolutely no reason. I leaned over and asked Matt the title to this post. It reminded me of the end to The Notebook. Evidently, a friend of mine was asked, when seeing it with a mutual friend: "Wait. Are they dead?"
When Brian and I were studying for the bar I discovered (and mercilessly mocked) the fact that Brian has a soft spot for LOLCATS! For those of you without the same strange love for LOLCATS, it is a collection of pictures of cats in various adorable circumstances with captions of what the cat is thinking.
So today I was doing a little internet surfing, per usual, and hit the Brian motherload, LOLCATS: Studying for the Bar Edition. So, Brian, this one's for you.
Yes, this is all it takes to brighten Brian's day.
This one I kind of like... because at one time I knew what all those accronyms mean, and could recite them with ease. Now, I have almost no clue. (Only FSDPOR and WITNes are coming back to me... Thanks, Paula F.)
Congratulations are in order because Brian passed the infamous New York bar exam! And this post is my gift to him. Any LOL-ing? :)
Usually when your mother is a control freak, you develop social and personality problems that you would rather keep to yourself. If you're Alexis Stewart, you get a TV show and tell anyone who watches. Daughter of Martha Stewart (lucky), Alexis and her best long-named friend Jennifer Koppelman Hutt (who went to law school - which just goes to show you that there are cool lawyers somewhere in the world) ridicule old clips of the Martha Stewart Show, which include gems such as twine collections, linen closets, cupcake decorating, and hemming a pair of pants. Don't be fooled. The show gets dirty and both Alexis and Jennifer get personal. Words such as boner, boobs, douche bag, and others get thrown around. A lot. This is basically the type of show I would want in case that recurring role on 30 Rock doesn't work out.
After Kate's inspiring postconcerning her bucket list (and my photoshop skills), I was inspired to write my own bucket list (and the post script request at the end of her posting helped, too).
Unlike Kate, I never kept a journal. When I think of journals for men, I think of either DoogieHowser (and I'm no Neil Patrick Harris. I'm much cooler) or Doug Funnie from Doug (you know that reference, admit it).
But as a child, I did have many goals: CEO, President, attorney. I ran the gamut. Clearly, I have accomplished one of those goals (well, save the bar exam), so perhaps it's time to reevalute things. So, in no particular order, here is my bucket list: 1.) Be elected to some public office. Because I'm so popular, I've been elected to many positions in school organizations and the such, but as Kate or anyone within a 3 mile radius of me will tell you, my passion is politics, and conservative politics at that. Thus, being elected to some board or council as a Republican is clearly a hard goal, and one I should get cracking on. (And if Kate could protest against or for me, that would be an added bonus.)
2.) Be part of a corporation. Whether it be running a conglomerate, inventing some gem of a product, or running a restaurant or bar with a bunch of friends, I think I have a unique savvy for the corporate world that has still gone untested.
3.) Go on a roller coaster. I admit it. I've never been on one. I'm deathly scared. I have a stomach that upsets so easily that as a child the tea cups was about as much as I could handle. I'm not talking about some metal, 150 MPH contraption at Six Flags. I'll start off with a wooden coaster that keeps my feet inside a car and my head right side up, thank you very much.
4.) Eat some foods I am currently afraid of. I don't venture very far off my current food path. I readily admit I am a meat and potatoes guy. I have made strides recently, but no where near where I should be. When I'm sort of envious of the women in the commercial who wants to "experiment with salad," something needs to happen. (side note: found this odd blog posting about the commercial).
5.) The dog. Like Kate, I was viciously deprived of this as a child. My brother had allergies so bad, a plastic bubble wasn't out of the question. My dad also told me several times that he would never want a dirty mutt running around the house. Fast forward 15 years: my brother and father both have dogs. It's my time.
6.) Write something. Yes, yes, I've been published in my law review (thanks), but I want to write a book, sitcom, or an hour-long drama. I have great jokes stored up in my head that would work wonderfully on the screen. Even if it never gets published or picked up by CBS, just knowing that I could would mean something. I think that about does it now for me, too. I know I have more things to accomplish. Many more. I think it would be a good idea for both of us to update these regularly, you know, before we kick the bucket.
5. The Readers of This Blog About Thangs. I can probably count them on one hand, perhaps two. You keep us going. You motivate us. You give us the will to be witty. Keep it up. 
Face it, Stephanie was adorable back then. But unfortunately, recent events have led me to believe that I picked the wrong Full House character to align myself with.
At press time for this blog, Jodie Sweetin is separated from her second husband with whom she has a 6 month old baby (pictured above), divorced from her police officer first husband, and most notably a recovering 
2.) Be part of a corporation. Whether it be running a 
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